I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
