they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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