can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
