Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
