I cut my penus on the lid.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
