Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
