just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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