You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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