No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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