I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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