Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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