Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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