areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
