is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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