so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
