I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
