Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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