i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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