Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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