Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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