When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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