If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
