you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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