So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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