The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
