true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
