Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
