Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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