Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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