I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
