I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
