Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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