please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
