I CAN MOONWALK!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
