I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
