Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
