his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
