I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
