I puked a lego.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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