I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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