then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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