how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
