i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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