I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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