This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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