i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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