bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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