he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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