If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
