college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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