I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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