I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
