never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.