so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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