Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS