If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.