I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital