Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.