o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.