Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!