so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday