i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
