Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
