She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
