Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
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Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
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I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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