Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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