What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
