Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
