I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
