I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
