Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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