Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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