I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The best revenge is premature balding
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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