i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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