M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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