Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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