I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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