I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
