don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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