Are we in a gay sports bar?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
