did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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