I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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