After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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