You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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