she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
