Quick, to the slutcave!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
