Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
