I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
