Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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